Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People.

1. I do not forgive you.
2. I think I'd be dead if it weren't for you.
3. I act more bad ass than you.. but I really think you're so much braver than me.
4. I wish you treated me like just a friend, not more.
5. I wish you treated me as more then just a friend.
6. Quit using alcohol to solve your problems.
7. I think you're making a huge mistake.
8. If I had only one friend left, I'd want it to be you.
9. Grow up!
10. I am SO proud of you.

Nine things about myself:
1. I can't roll my tongue.
2. My biggest fear is not fearing failure.
3. I want a Ford Escape SOOOO bad.
4. I judge people. a lot.
5. I think a handful of my friends are naive to reality.
6. I don't shower everyday.
7. I daydream about my death on almost a daily basis.
8. I can not be within eye sight of UV Red Vodka without wanting to vomit.
9. I have NO clue what I want out of a guy.

Eight characteristics to win my heart.
1. Height!
2. See
3. #
4. 9
5. In
6. The
7. Above
8. Question

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
1. December
2. Michael
3. Family
4. Money
5. Food
5. Yankees
6. My Health
7. Tomorrow

Six things I do before I fall asleep
1. Play Sudoku
2. Read a Chapter or 2 from a book
3. Take Medicine
4. Pray
5. Turn off computer
6. Set My Alarm


Five people who mean a lot. (in no order whatsoever)
1. ME
2. Mom
3. Dad
4. Travis
5. Adam

Four things you're wearing right now.
1. Greek Week 2008 Shirt
2. Pink/Blue Striped cotton shorts
3. underwear
4. NA

Three songs that you listen to often.
1. My Life Would Suck Without You - (Not intentionally.. it's just always on!)
2. God Bless America - (They play it at Yankee Games!)
3. Whatever it is - It's my Ringtone

Two things you want to do before you die.
1. Succeed
2. Be Happy (WITHOUT the fear of becoming unhappy again)


One confession.
1. I am far from perfect. God knows I mean well.

Best Invention Ever

I'm convinced they were created by none other then God himself... I am going to have rotten teeth by September but I don't even care.

Awaiting My Own Redemption...

I feel like this town, this school, this apartment even, are my prison.

They tell you that college is great because, unlike high school, no one can tell you what to do, no one can force you to go to class. What they neglect to tell you and you quickly realize is that there are consequences, far worse than in high school, for not doing what is expected of you as a member of this institution. (Institution. sounds like a synonym for prison if you ask me)

Yes, I have a handful of friends here, Des Moines 30 minutes to my south (for whatever that's worth), and once every few weeks I do indeed get a full day to myself. No commitments. But the time in between? Nothing short of prison. I have said goodbye to so many friends in the last year. 95% of me wants to believe that we'll stay close that nothing could come between us. The other 5% of me imagines a reality where things will change.



My daily schedule is completely compromised of what other people want me to do and when they want me to do it. I suppose this is growing up? Yes, no doubt. But still. Driving around this small city (which would no doubt be a normal size town if ISU wasn't here) you see students. lots of students. walking to and from 1 commitment to the next. Most of them look pissed, depressed, or just straight up senile. I must say it is amusing to see all the bright smiley orientation students and their parents day in day out.. they have no idea what they're in for. I want to shake them and yell "get out now, while you still can!".

Short of going to the bar, the movies, or the far below average mall (but who has money?) there is very little for recreation around here.

Graduation.. I imagine it to be like this:



Like Andy, I am innocent. Here under false pretenses. Best years of my life? HA!

I didn't used to mind this.. but after 5 years.. it's seeming more like jail than a learning experience.

I got asked if he was worth it, if this was worth it. The thing is, the happiness that I feel when he's around is unlike any happiness I have ever experienced. But the sadness that consumes me during the periods when the happiness is gone is unlike any sadness I've ever had, too. It is bottomless and makes me feel hopeless and sad and ugly. And I can't decide which one is more affecting. Can I live without the happiness? Can I live with the sadness?

Oh Shit...

Probably shouldn't have written that last post... "Anonymous" will be all over that.. I'm obviously a drug addict don't ya know? :-)

I know this is random but...

...I absolutely despise heroin.

Your 2009 Tampa Bay Rays MVP.....

Also known as Dale Scott, 1st Base Official.

PENA WAS SAFE!!!!!!